She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
