At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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