I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
