That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
