do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Shame - the story of my life.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
