Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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