I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
My day in three words: secret purse cake
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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