I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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