I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
that is very illegal...i love you.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
