when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
