I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
