We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
