at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
