And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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