i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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