This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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