From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
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I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
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he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
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