your thong is hanging out like whoa
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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