I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
