We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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