I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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