Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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