Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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