So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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