I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
