Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
