Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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