I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
