The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
