Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
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