I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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