remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
either way he was missing a nipple.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
