It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Will exercising make me less horny?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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