I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
