guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
