You don't have asthma, your pregnant
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
