When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
