Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
