I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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