She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
