life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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