i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I want her autograph on my taint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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