You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
