He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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