real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
