i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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