Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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