Having a random hookup so left but love u
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
