yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
