Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
