we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
