The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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