Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Holy shit dude........stairs
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
