pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
