I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
