Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
