What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
