I think i sorta joined a cult last night
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
