In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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