i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
