I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
