I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
