If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
